The D.I.E.T. word

I love eating. As a nurse who just sits around in peoples homes for 12 hours/3 days a week I don't do much for exercise. When I'm at home, I sit on my ass and watch my son play in the house. I'm growing to big to fit into my fat cloths, or what I considered my fat cloths. I think its time for this nurse to go on a diet.

I shiver when I think of this awful word. What does it mean to me to go on a diet. Keeping track every day of what I'm eating. Worrying about having to pack my lunch each day I work. Never eating fast food again (well at least the unhealthy fast food). And the lack of motivation to get up off the couch and exercise. At the end of the day I think, "Yeah I've made it through another day" then comes to mind "now I have to do this crap again tomorrow". I have such a bad attitude when it comes to dieting. But I did promise my husband that I would lose weight 1. before we were married (have been married for 6 years) 2. before I got a tattoo (I have two now) 3. before we had children (my son is one years old). I don't keep promises very well now do I? Well, I think I might change my way of thinking towards dieting. Thinking of it as a game. Challenge myself, most of the females in my family had gastric bypass surgery done so they kinda cheated.

I will show them..... hahaha who am I kidding?
Well we will see. I'm running out of cloths to wear. Maybe I will diet and then when losing some weight I can feel better when exercising. Will keep in touch!

Is it depression?

Well, I have been with my job taking care of dying patients for over a year. I remember in orientation they talked to us newbie's about going through some depression a couple of months after starting to work with families. I have been taking medication because after having my son I had postpartum depression so I never really had that work depression they had talked about during orientation. Well I haven't taken my meds for a couple of weeks now and I'm really feeling down. I yelled at my husband tonight because he doesn't help me as much as I would like around the house (ie. cleaning). So I laid in on him. Plus, I don't feel like he is in love with me, for example; He doesn't kiss me, hug me, he sleeps on the couch when he isn't working nights. He rarely talks to me. He is either playing his dumb ass video games, playing his stupid guitar, or playing on his cell phone/computer. I am so depressed I think I might just keep track of the times he talks to me tomorrow. Nothing like digging myself a deeper hole. I know no one is going to read this blog, probably because I'm a boring person. But its nice to get my feelings out. So that when I decide to get back onto my meds, I can read this again and know just how ridiculous this sounds. Oh, I'm about to throw my cat out of the window for knocking things around in my room.

Where has the time gone?

So, I haven't posted anything for a couple months... and I see no one has read my posts anyways. What's the point?